Chapter Two

Jasmine had decided to use her mother’s tactic tonight of trying to make everything perfect for Jeremy coming over, although she wasn’t sure why. It had never worked all that well for her mother, and she wasn’t sure she would have any better luck.
Her flat was very small, but it was in a rather expensive part of London and was plenty big enough for her on her own. It only had one bedroom, a tiny bathroom and the lounge, kitchen and dinning room were all in the last remaining room. Most of the furniture wasn’t exactly her taste, but as she hadn’t really picked it she didn’t suppose it mattered.
She spent a few hours trying to get the little basement flat looking as nice and cosy and romantic as possible, with a thorough tidying up and strategic placement of fresh flowers and candles. Then she did her hair and make up the way she knew Jeremy liked them, and dressed in sexy underwear beneath a pleasing outfit. She wanted to put him in as good a mood as possible and hoped all her effort would be worth it.
Unfortunately she wasn’t a very good cook but thankfully, unlike in her mother’s day, that wasn’t too much of a problem. She continually praised the genius who had invented the ready made meals available in most supermarkets now, the ones that were made using fresh ingredients, but simply needed popped in the oven and came out looking and tasting like home made. She had purchased and cooked just such a meal for herself and Jeremy, and had it sitting on the little table for two, with the wine chilled and open ready for him arriving.
She had tried to plan what she was going to say, but every version she had come up with she already knew what his counter argument would be. So she’d decided the best thing to do would be to just say what it was she wanted. Tell him that they could not keep going like they had, and be firm. Make him know she wasn’t going to put up with things the way they were, and be clear that if he was unwilling to change then they couldn’t keep seeing each other.


It sounded so simple in her head, when she said it in such a matter of fact way. But she knew it wasn’t going to be that simple once Jeremy was involved. She had tried to have this conversation with him before but he always had some excuse, some reason that seemed completely reasonable at the time as to why he couldn’t leave Helen just yet, why they had to wait for a better time. And he had always managed to persuade her in the past. He had won her over with promises that it wouldn’t be much longer, and that once they were together all the waiting would be worth it. But she was determined that this time she wasn’t going to let him sweet talk her. She felt sick with nerves waiting on his arrival and didn’t think she was going to be able to eat any of the meal she had prepared.
She was sitting on the couch sipping her wine when she heard the front door opening. She jumped up almost spilling her glass in her haste to greet him. He came into the lounge and looked about, noting all the little touches she had done. Then he looked at Jasmine, scanning her up and down hungrily.
Even two years down the line the sight of him still made her heart beat a little faster, especially when he was dressed as he was now in his captain’s uniform. It didn’t matter to her that he was almost twice her age. She didn’t see the grey in his hair or the thinning on the top of his head or the little paunch that was making his trousers a bit tighter these days. Or at least she chose not to see them. He was still a very handsome, sexy man and she knew she wasn’t the only one who thought so. She often heard the other female flight attendants make comments about him when they were on the same flight. Of course none of them knew that she and Jeremy were involved, it was a secret to everybody except her very closest friends. Jeremy would have preferred nobody to know, but she could never have hidden a two year relationship from the people she trusted with everything else in her life, she would never have even wanted to.
She could see the way he was looking at her and knew what he was thinking, well at least her efforts had worked and he was now in a very good mood, although she wasn’t exactly sure he was in the mood for talking, and she was right.
“Come here you,” he said opening up his arms, “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a wonderful welcome but I like it very much.”
She smiled pleased she had made him happy, and that he had noticed that she had tried to do something special for him. They’d had a few little fights and disagreements recently and she’d wanted to make sure this night had at least started well. She crossed over to him and fell into his arms.
The dinner sat uneaten, the rest of the wine undrunk, as he took her through to the bedroom to show her exactly how much he appreciated all the effort she had gone to.

He didn’t take very long at all, and before Jasmine had even realised it was over, he was up off the bed and getting redressed. She assumed this meant he was ready for his some food now, and hoped that what they had just shared had simply been an appetiser for later on tonight.
“I’ll go and heat up our dinner,” she said sliding out the bed after him. She put on her robe and headed back to the kitchen.
“Don’t bother,” he told her following her through and sitting on the couch to tie his shoe laces, “well not for me anyway, heat up what ever what you want for yourself. But I have to get home and pretty quickly.”
“You’re leaving? Now?” Jasmine dropped the plates back on the table and walked the couple of feet back to the lounge. She could hardly believe that he was just going to come here, shag her, then leave?
“I have to. One of Helen’s stupid friends was on my flight. She’ll know exactly what time I landed, and she’ll be expecting me.”
“Can’t you tell her you went out with some of the other pilots or something? I was hoping we’d be able to have a nice evening together.” She slumped down beside him feeling so disappointed. She had spent all day building up her courage and making everything perfect so she could have this talk with him, the thought that it was all going to be for nothing was just too much to take. She couldn’t let that happen, she was just going to have to go for it anyway. She sat back up and took hold of Jeremy’s hand.
“There was something I really wanted to talk to you about tonight,” she told him.
He gave her a look to say he wasn’t very happy, then got up so he could see in the mirror over the fireplace to put on his tie
“So is that what all the candles and sexy underwear were for – to get me in a good mood?” he asked her reflection behind him, then turned and picked up his jacket, “Well I’m sorry but it’s going to have to wait; right now I have to go. I’m already late enough.”
“It can’t wait!” Jasmine shouted slamming her hands on the couch, she was mad now. He had planned this all along, just a quick sex stop on the way home, was that really all he thought of her even after all this time?
Jeremy was quite surprised by her outburst she wasn’t usually like this; suddenly he was a little worried.
“What’s wrong, you’re not knocked up are you?” What other explanation could there be for her to start acting so irrationally.
Jasmine sighed, trust him to think it was something like that.
“No Jeremy I am not pregnant.”
“Well thank god for that.”
This annoyed Jasmine as well.
“What would you do if I was?” she demanded of him, suddenly she really wanted to know.
Jeremy shrugged he knew she was on the pill so it wasn’t something he had ever thought about.
“Pay for you to get rid of it I suppose.”
This answer didn’t really surprise her but it still hurt.
“And what if I didn’t want to get rid of it, what if I wanted to keep it?”
He was standing with his arms folded just looking at her.
“Is this what you wanted to talk about, having a kid?”
Jasmine shook her head, this had gone totally off topic, he had confused her again but at least now she was going to have the chance to tell him what she really wanted.
“No it’s not. I don’t want to have children, well not right now anyway. Maybe in the future, but I want us to have a life together first. That was what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. I want us to be together, properly, like a real couple. I don’t want to wait any longer; I think I’ve waited long enough. I want you to divorce Helen and be with me.” There she had said it and Jeremy looked as pissed off as she thought he was going to.
“I can not believe you’ve brought this up tonight when I told you I had to go.”
He looked as if he was about to head out the door so Jasmine got up to block his way. He wasn’t the only one who was annoyed; she was extremely pissed off now too. She’d been bottling all this up for long
enough, it was time to let it all out and tell him exactly what she thought.
“You only have to go so your wife won’t ask where you’ve been. A wife you’ve been telling me for the past two years you want to leave. What does it matter if she doesn’t know where you’ve been? Let her ask and tell her it’s none of her business, then tell her your leaving and you want a divorce.”
He looked even more annoyed.
“I can’t, and you know that I can’t.  She’s just not well enough for me to do something like that to her.”
“She’s not ill, she’s an alcoholic!” Jasmine screamed, she couldn’t bare him dragging that out as an excuse again.
“Alcoholism is a disease.”
“A disease she’s never going to get better from when you keep enabling her drinking.”
“It’s not me enabling her, she’s got a whole household full of staff that do that.”
That was true, after Helen’s father died she had inherited the family house including all the staff that came with it. Many of whom had been there from when Helen had been a young girl and Jeremy had told Jasmine on a number of occasions about how they all still treated her like a child to be taken care of.
“Well maybe you leaving would finally give her the push she needs to sober up.”
“Or push her right over the edge. She’s been really bad lately, this would not be a good time to this right now.”
Jasmine had heard this so many times and was tired of it.
“When is there ever going to be a good time?”
Jeremy sighed, Jasmine could see he really didn’t want to be having this discussion, but as far as she was concerned he had avoided it for too long already.
“I’ve heard about this great rehab place and I think she’s almost ready to go, if you could just give it a couple of months until she’s better and stronger and I think she’s more able to handle the news, that’s all I’m asking for two more month three at the most.”
Jasmine hung her head for a second trying to gather her strength.
“But then you’ll be worried about causing a relapse. Jeremy we’ve been here before, we’ve been through the complete cycle of Helen’s addiction at least twice and there’s always something. She’s really low and you can do that to her when she’s down, or she’s just starting to get better, or she’s doing really well and you don’t want to set her back. We’ve been through it all, I’ve heard it all before. I can’t wait for you to think there’s going to be a good time because that’s not going to happen. It’s now or never – you either leave her and start divorce proceeding or else …” She needed to take a deep breath before she could say it, but she knew she had to, “Or else you can’t see me any more.”
Jeremy looked totally shocked, this was the last thing he had been expecting tonight she was sure.
“You don’t mean that, you’re just annoyed because you had this big evening planned and I’m not staying.”
He was belittling what she was trying to say and she was going to have to make him see she was serious.
“I do mean it, I’ve been thinking about it for some time and I’ve decided this is how it’s going to be.”
His shock turned back to anger.
“You’ve decided have you? No thought about me and what you’re asking of me to do or give up.”
Jasmine couldn’t quite believe what he had just said. How dare he!
“Of course I‘ve thought about you, you’re the only thing I have thought about for the past two years. But I’m not asking you to give up anything you haven’t already told me you want to.” She stopped and tried to calm herself down; standing shouting at each other really wasn’t getting them anywhere.
She’d wanted to try and have a reasonable conversation tonight, get him to really think about the practicalities of leaving his wife and get some concrete answers from him. She hadn’t meant to get so emotional. She decided it was time to try and steer the conversation back to a place where there was actually the chance of them moving forward and of him making some real choices, instead of them just going round in circles, accusing each other of not caring when they both knew they did. She took a deep breath and started on her new tactic.
“Look I talked to a friend of mine who’s a lawyer and she said because of Helen’s alcoholism and her frequent relapses you can sight that as the reason for wanting a divorce. She said you’ll be able to get a great settlement, so you wouldn’t even have to give up the money if that’s one of the things you’re worried about.”
“You talked to somebody about me and Helen?”
Jasmine suddenly wasn’t so sure this tactic had been any better than the last one, he still looked mad.
“I didn’t use any names,” she tried to reassure him, “she has no idea who I was talking about.”
“I don’t care, you have no right talking to people about me. And do you honestly think I would drag up my wife’s problem in court, just so I could steal half her fortune? I make a pretty decent salary as a captain you know I don’t need to live off her money.”
Jasmine felt terribly guilty, she didn’t mean to imply that he only cared about the money, but she was just confused as to why he was still being so stubborn even after all this time. It wasn’t as if there were children or parents or other family members involve, there was only him and Helen. But she wanted it to be him and her; she needed it to be him and her, now. Why could he not just see how good that could be?
Nothing was working and she only had one plan left. Beg!
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you,” she told him sitting down in the armchair, she took both his hands in hers and held them close to her chest. She looked up into his eyes and tried to get him see how she was feeling. “I’m just so desperate for us to be together, to be a proper couple and be able to tell everyone about us. I want us to be able to go out together, on a real date, and sit in a restaurant where everyone can see us, and they would be able to tell how in love we are, and they would all be so happy for us. I’m so sick of hiding away, of spending nights stuck in on my own not knowing when I’m going to see you. I want to be with you, really with you. I want to live with you, and get engaged, and get married, and have children. I want to have a life with you, and I want it to start now. Not in a couple of weeks or months or years – NOW!” She could see she had shocked him but at least he was finally listening to her and this was the chance she had been waiting for, to tell him exactly what she wanted. “That was why I did all this tonight, so I could show you what it was I’m offering. Because Jeremy it really is time for you to choose what you want; you can either go home to your drunk wife, who you tell me you don’t love, in her big empty house, that you tell me you hate. Or you can stay and have all this here, with me.”
Jeremy was shocked and he had to swallow a couple of times before he could even speak again.
“You want me to choose, right now, right this minute?”
She’d known he wasn’t exactly going to be overjoyed with her ultimatum, but his hesitation hurt her more than she’d ever thought it would.
She let him go and dropped her head into her hands.
“I didn’t realise it was going to be a hard decision to make.”
Jeremy realised he wasn’t exactly saying the right thing, if he was going to keep Jasmine sweet he was going to have to tell her what she wanted to hear.
“It’s not hard, of course I want you, but you’re rushing me.”
“Two years is not rushing.” She looked back up at him and he could see now how upset she really was.
“I know but you’ve just dumped all this on me tonight when you knew I couldn’t stay and I really have to go now, I’m so late. I’ll give you a phone tomorrow and we can talk some more.” He was squeezing past her and heading for the door.
She couldn’t believe he was still going to leave after everything she had said. Suddenly she could see that nothing was going to change. Her heart felt like it was breaking, but more than anything she just felt so tired. Tired of his procrastinating, of his excuses and of her feelings being dismissed as if they didn’t matter to him at all.
“No don’t call,” she almost whispered, then gave a little cough before she continued, she had to be firm, “unless you’re phoning to say you’ve left her don’t bother.” He paused for a second in the doorway.
“Do you honestly expect me to go home pack a bag and just leave?”
“It’s what you’ve been saying for two years you want to do.”
“I can’t believe this is really happening!” He was sure she really didn’t mean it, she had asked him to leave Helen before but this was the first time she had looked as if she truly meant what she was saying.
He crossed back over to her and for a second her heart leapt, was he going to choose her? He kissed her quickly on the top of her head, and then was backing out the door looking at his watch. Her heart sunk once more.
“Look I’ve really got to go, but I will phone you tomorrow and we’ll make a plan, we can even write it down if you want. We’ll get something concrete so you’ll know exactly when everything’s going to happen. I can’t just walk away I’ve got to put things in place first.”
Jasmine shook her head fighting back the tears.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, I don’t want to make another plan, we’ve done that before. You leave Helen or you leave me alone, it’s your choice.” It hurt her to say it, but she just had to keep in mind all the pain she’d already been through with him. If she didn’t do this now she would be condemning herself to goodness knows how many more years of heart ache.
She had known deep down what the outcome of tonight’s talk was going to be, that’s why she had been so nervous about it. She’d known there was only ever a tiny chance that he would ever agree to do as she wanted, and that tiny chance had just been reduced to zero as Jeremy left the lounge and headed to the front door.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” he shouted then the door banged shut, he was gone!
Maybe he would call tomorrow, but she wouldn’t answer. She was through, it was all done. There was no way he was going to leave Helen and she wondered if he’d ever had any intention of doing so, right now she doubted it.
He had left her lounge door open, one of her complete pet hates, she jumped out her chair and slammed it as hard as she could. She was so angry with him, how could he have done this to her? How could he have just left like that?
She stood for a minute looking at the dinner sitting on the table, the chicken in the congealed sauce, the vegetables all wilted, and thought it was probably a very fitting end to their relationship. She considered tidying up but quickly dismissed the idea, instead she picked up the rest of the wine and her glass and took them through to the bedroom, where she curled up in her duvet and cried.
All her plans, all her dream, all her hopes for a future with Jeremy were over. They had headed out the door with him and she knew she was now going to have to start from scratch.
How on earth had she even ended up here? How could she have been stupid enough to have fallen for his lies for so long? Everyone had told her this was how it was going to end but she had always refused to believe them. She thought she knew best and that he really had loved her, but none of it had been real, not to him anyway.
This was not the way she had pictured her life, the role of a mistress had never been one she’d thought she would fill. And she was disgusted with herself for having let it carry on for as long as she had. Well it was going to change from this point on. She had given Jeremy enough chances and was now determined that he was not going to get anymore. 
She knew the next couple of weeks were going to be hard, and she knew he wasn’t going to make them any easier for her. She didn’t think for a minute he was just going to let her walk away and forget all about her, not when she had been so convenient for him to have around for so long. But she was going to have to be strong, she couldn’t let him talk her round and convince her to come back with more promises that he had no intention of keeping. She would hold her ground and remain firm. This wasn’t the life she wanted to be leading any more, there was better out there for her, she was sure of it. But if she was to stick with Jeremy she would never get a chance to find out. Right now though she was hurt and wounded and she needed time to heal. Tomorrow would be the start of her new life, tonight she just needed to mourn the death of the old one.